I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
