i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
