what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
