I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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