Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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