I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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