You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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