two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
