watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
