How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I licked your asshole in confidence.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
