I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
