he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
