my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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