Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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