He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
