Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
