Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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