I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
