I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
