Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
