sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
