Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.

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(707): View more from California

Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on

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(607): View more from New York

I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.

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(434): View more from Virginia

I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.

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(706): View more from Georgia

My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.

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