i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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