You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
