i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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