Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
