I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
