i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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