I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
