would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
