we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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