So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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