News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
