I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
