im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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