While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
