I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
