I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
