he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
