i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
