youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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