so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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