I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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