so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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