I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There r osticjed everywhere
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
