Got a toothbrush?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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