I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize