She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
