I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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