1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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