i was born a porn star she said
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
