ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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