I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
