just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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