if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
