i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
