I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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