I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
