I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
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So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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