in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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