Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
