I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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