What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
