I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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