This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
