apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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