I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
