he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
