every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
