Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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