Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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