Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
