That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your penis caused this!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
