When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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