I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
