She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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