you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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