Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
