it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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