a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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